Well it's late and we finally remembered to do our journal.  Been working a lot on our website tonight, had a lot of things to say and think about.  We also rejoined DP.  Don't know if it's a good idea or not, but a few people were wanting to be on it.  Will sit in lurk mode for a while and see what the atmosphere is like.  Can always remove ourselves again if necessary.  We are just looking for somewhere to be ourselves.  Although I don't really think DP is the place for that.  We are probably going to get that place from a number of places.  We don't seem to be able to get it from one place.  It's funny really the people that were the best with our multiplicity ended up treating us like shit.  We miss it, that's probably why it took us so long to break off that relationship.  Because they were the only people that really seemed to deal with us as separate individuals.  We would like someone in our life to truly deal with us that way again, but it's not worth putting ourselves in a position where we get used and hurt just to get that one aspect.  I suppose it's because we are multiple, that I don't understand why us being separate people is so difficult to grasp.  To me it makes perfect sense, its at the root of multiplicity after all.  But then maybe it's because people don't really believe what I am saying, maybe that's it.  Maybe people that say sure you are multiple, are really just unwilling to accept it and therefore don't treat us like we are individuals.  Or maybe I am just fed up trying to be ourselves, even with other multiples it feels like an uphill battle all the way.

Wrote to my brother today to find out what it is he wants from me, whether to just disappear from his life, or whether he needs time.  I haven't gotten a response yet, but then doubt he would respond so quickly if at all.  Maybe that letter, the original one telling him about our multiplicity was too much and he has decided he can't deal with us.  Would like to know though, one way or another.  Just so I can move on from here.  I know we are getting paranoid about him asking Mum whether we will be there for Christmas.  It seems too much of a coincidence.  I have to wonder if it was about not wanting to be there if we were.  Well that's not an issue really, because we are hoping not to go there.  But the hard thing will be facing Mum over all this.  She is always on about me being the bad sister, always on at me about making contact with him, being the good daughter and playing happy families.  Well if my brother doesn't want anything to do with me it's going to be hard to explain that.  "Well Mum, we told him we were multiple, and he refuses to have contact with us", isn't going to go down well.  And the reality is that it will always be my fault, always be me to blame.  Will have to wait and see though.   Funny thing is we told him because we were hoping for a relationship with him again, hoping to get back into things.  Perhaps we shouldn't of hoped.